Soon the sea shall give up her dead.

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:53:56 GMT

I don't know if I'll ever post to this journal again.

Deltron - Virus.

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 09:28:59 GMT

I wanna devise a virus
To bring dire straits to your environment
Crush your corporations with a mild touch
Trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus
I want to make a super virus
Strong enough to cause blackouts in every single metropolis
Cuz they don't wanna unify us
So fuck it total anarchy
Can't nobody stop us

You see late in the evening
fucked up on my computer and my mind starts roaming
I create like a heathen
The first cycles of this virus I can send through a modem
Infiltration hits your station
No Microsoft or enhanced DOS will impede
Society thinks they're safe when
Bingo! Hard drive crashes from the rending
A lot of hackers tried viruses before
Vaporize your text like so much white out
I want it where a file replication is a chore
Lights out shut down the entire White House
I don't want just a bug that could be corrected
I'm erecting immaculate design
Break the nation down section by section
Even to the greatest minds it's impossible to find

I wanna devise a virus
to bring dire straits to your environment
crush your corporations with a mild touch
trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus

I want to develop a super virus
Better by far then that old Y2K
This is 3030 the time of global unification break right through they
terminals, burn 'em all
Slaves to silicon
Corrupt politicians with leaders and their keywords
F.B.I and spies stealin' bombs
Decipitate their plans in their face and catch the fever
Everybody loot the stores get your canned goods
Even space stations are having a hard time
Beast keepers seek to take our manhood
Which results in the form of global apartheid
Ghettos are trash dumps with gas pumps
Exploding and burnt out since before the great union
The last punks walk around like masked monks
Ready to manipulate the data base and break through 'em
Human rights come in a hundredth place
Mass production has always been number one
New Earth has become a repungnant place
So its time to spread the fear and the thunder some

I wanna devise a virus
to bring dire straits to your environment
crush your corporations with a mild touch
trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus

I wanna devise a virus
to bring dire straits to your environment
crush your corporations with a mild touch
trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus.

Holy shit, this man is a genius. Deltron 3030 is probably the single best hip-hop album I've ever heard.

Had to cross-post this.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:06:09 GMT

You know what makes me smile?
Meeting up with you last night. I had to visit my grandma in the hospital yesterday, and that was a mix of weird feelings; sadness and hope mixed with headaches and claustrophobia. I hate hospitals. Beneath the sterile surface you know there's death in almost every room. Sitting in that chair, watching my grandma drift in and out of cognizance, made me almost cry. It's weird, having to mourn someone before they die, but that's the nature of the disease. Her mind will die before her body does. It was everything I could do to stay distracted in there. Doing crossword puzzles, reading... It was not fun.
So after I left and went home, I drove back down to the college to meet up with you. Trying to get myself into a better frame of mind, I blasted Karate and drove around aimlessly while I waited to hear from you. You looked so cute last night. I just wanted to watch you all night, watch how you move, watch your beautiful blue-gray eyes when you speak to me. We drove down to Laguna Beach to go to the Koffee Klatch, since that's the only coffee shop in this area that stays open moderately late.
Sitting there on those couches reading, that was the first time you leaned back against me. The smell of your hair was absolutely amazing, and even though we've been hanging out for a couple weeks, I'm still extremely nervous around you. I know you are too, as we're both painfully shy. I could have sat there in that corner with you curled up against me all night. I really was sad when the woman told us it was ten minutes to closing. I still had about thirty pages left to go in my book, and I knew there was no other place we could go and resume this, but I wasn't quite ready to go home yet. So we sat in my car for almost two hours reading and talking. You making fun of how I'm pretty much always blushing, Monica calling both of us in the car immediately after one another, smoking cigarettes in front of the gay bar, telling our holiday horror stories... No wonder it took me an hour and a half to read thirty pages.
It was about 12:30 when we started heading back. Driving down PCH, listening to The Notwist while you held my arm and kissed my wrist and hand... Even thinking about it now makes my stomach tighten up. I wanted to be driving in the opposite direction, because I knew every mile we drove was another mile closer to your car. But we drove, Consequence coming through the speakers (which is both of our favorite Notwist song), my hand moving through your hair and on your neck while I reveled in the sheer beauty of being next to you.
Saying good-night was difficult. We joked, as we always do, saying "See ya never," and "Have a nice life." But we stood there hugging in that parking lot and we both knew that couldn't happen. My fingers stroked your hair and face while we stood there, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss you, to feel the warmth of your lips against mine. But of course, it didn't happen right there; I'm too shy and nerdy, even though I knew you wanted to just as badly as I did. It probably looked really funny when you walked over to get in your car and I just stood there, not really knowing what to do. Haha you know I'm hopeless when it comes to the ladies. But I couldn't just let you leave like that, so I forced it down and walked over to your car, where the door was still open. I stuck my head in the car and put my hand on your cheek; you apparently didn't know I was standing there and you jumped. It was really funny. You knew what was coming so you put your hands on my face and drew me in toward you. When our lips touched it was electric. It was an amazing, sweet kiss, and we just sat there, both of us getting lost in this moment. Your face was so warm against the temperature of 54 degrees outside, and I had to kiss you again. And again. And again. I drew back and looked into those breathtaking blue-gray eyes and knew then that you're the one for me. You're the one I want to be with.
I drove home listening to Thursday, and I could feel the hot blood in my face the entire time. Even when you're not right in front of me, you still make me blush. I got home and got in bed, and I had to listen to Consequence one more time. This song will be forever associated with you and that night now. The night I fully realized I had met the most amazing woman I ever have. This is the first time since I was 14 that I adore absolutely EVERYTHING about the person I'm seeing. 8 years is almost half my life, and I feel so fortunate that all that time spent searching might finally be over.
When I woke up this morning, American Football was coming through the headphones, and the smell of your hair and skin still lingered on my hands. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, I was so blissful just lying there thinking about you.
What is this? I really don't know yet, but it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. I can't wait to see where this takes us.

Love,
Aaron.

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:38:53 GMT

Thanksgiving was pretty fucking lame yesterday. We drove out to Rancho Palos Verdes to go to my aunt's house, and half of my family didn't even show up. Then, on top of that, my super-anal-retentive uncle took two and a half fucking hours to make the gravy. I swear to God I was about to choke him with the ladle. So we're all sitting around waiting for the food, most of the family is already attacking the dessert table out of sheer hunger, and he finally takes the turkey out... To let it sit on the counter for 45 minutes before he carved it. Haha it was so ridiculous. I didn't eat all day so I would be able to chow down at 4 like the plan was, but we didn't eat until almost 7... I fell asleep on the couch due to a lack of energy. We got home around 9 and I was supposed to go hang out with Brittney but she fell asleep kinda early so that didn't happen, so I decided to go to bed since I had nothing else to do. After sleeping for about 45 minutes, she calls me and we talk for a bit. After that I'm totally wide awake and can't go back to sleep. Go figure. So I finally get back to sleep and Josh calls me about 30 minutes later. Apparently he couldn't understand anything I was saying so he let me go. And then I couldn't sleep again. Hahaha it was so lame. But it's all cool, I was up by 8 this morning, went out walking, and now I'm going to go pay my phone bill before work. Rad!

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 06:31:30 GMT

Until today, I hadn't had a cigarette for a few days, and it honestly made me almost vomit. Hopefully that's the encouragement I need to really quit this time.

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 09:39:27 GMT

Tonight was pretty much fucking amazing. So we make the trek down to San Diego around 2.30, and get there around 5 or so. We parked in a bank parking lot across the street from Soma and walked over to get in line. There was a sign in the parking lot that said, "If you leave this lot, your car will be towed," but we walked across the street anyway. We get to the front of the venue and find out there's tons of parking right in the parking lot of the place. So Mariya and Shawn stay back while Josh and I go to walk back across the street to move his car. We get to the light to cross back to the other side, and who should be standing there with us but Dustin Kensrue? So we had a good 5-minute conversation with him about the album and everything. It was fucking rad.
So the doors open eventually and once the show starts, mewithoutYOU comes out with one of the trippiest fucking sets I've ever seen. All the band members look like they're rolling onstage while they're playing. But the music sounded amazing and it wasn't all crazy in there so I was loving it. Then Thrice comes on. Holy shit, the guy who was sound-checking the drums had the bass and everything so loud. Whenever Riley hit the bass drum you could feel it in your chest. But they played an absolutely amazing set. They used a ridiculous range of stuff. They played Kill Me Quickly and Deadbolt from The Illusion of Safety; Stare At The Sun, Silhouette, and Artist In The Ambulance from Artist In The Ambulance; The Earth Will Shake, Of Dust and Nations, and Red Sky from Vheissu; and Firebreather, The Messenger, Burn The Fleet, Digital Sea, and Open Water from The Alchemy Index. Open Water is probably my favorite Water song so I was super-stoked to hear it. But my god it was an amazing set. We were only about 5 feet from the stage so we got to see it all close-up. After they played Silhouette, about halfway through the set, the crowd was just getting too crazy and I feared for my glasses. So I pulled back and enjoyed the rest of the show in relative safety and comfort. Heh. But Brand New's set was also really good. They played Millstone and Jesus Christ, which are my two favorite Brand New songs, so that was awesome. But Jesse's voice was all raspy tonight, you could tell he was tired. But they encored with this really ridiculous experimental instrumental song. It almost made my head explode. We took off after that, stopped at Denny's for breakfast food, and headed home.
That was the best night of my life.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 21:41:28 GMT

Thrice and Brand New tonight. Fuck yea.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 06:54:34 GMT

Hahah greatest thing ever. Josh and I decided to bring back JuhJunJut (pronounced just like it looks, in mockery of every guitar part from every hardcore song ever written). It's just going to be the members from A Mouthful Of Birds, and we're going to write ridiculous songs like... A song about how sick it would be if this song was in Guitar Hero. And then we're going to open for ourselves. lol.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:16:50 GMT

I like my mirrored sunglasses because they're like having laser-beam eyes. I just went for a walk around the lake, and whenever I was walking towards people facing the sun, they all had to shield their eyes. Thanks for those, Lauren.

Lol.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 08:05:47 GMT

Halloween was a fucking blast this year!

With La Cucuracha!

What a successful Halloween! Time to go pass out!

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 02:28:10 GMT

My halloween costume is the fucking shit.

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 08:01:33 GMT

Today was the first time I've seen a blue sky in almost a week.

It was beautiful. I went skateboarding.

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 06:43:26 GMT

Today was one of the longest days I have had in a long time. The fires are killing me out here. First off, I don't know what kind of fucking asshole thought it would be a good idea to start a fire somewhere when it's around 80 outside and the Santa Ana winds are blowing. Well thanks to you a few people have already died and many, many more are being pushed out of their homes for their own safety. So to those assholes who just thought they'd "have a little fun..." Fuck you. Rot in hell.
I got to work today and it was insane. The air was full of smoke and crap, the wind was blowing all matter of detritus in my face, and it all just generally sucked. Alex left and went home after an hour and there was nobody to come relieve him except one of the patrol guys, Erich. Thankfully he's cool and it wasn't weird being confined a room for 8 hours with someone I couldn't stand. Those shifts are the worst. Anyway, Erich doesn't work the gates so he doesn't know how to run any of the stuff. So I was basically on my feet working the gate the entire day. It was busy as hell because everyone was evacuating their horses to the equestrian center, and as the night went on, more and more people were being evacuated to Coto. So the traffic pretty much never ended, and I was running the show the whole time. Tough. Then around 9 Erich had to leave to go on patrol so I was left there by myself for the remainder of my shift. It was the busiest I've ever seen it. What a day for all that to go wrong.
I also found out midway through my shift that the fire had spread down to Trabuco Canyon, which is right behind my house. So if the flames climbed the hill up O'Neil Park, I'd be out of a house. But what really worried me is my grandparents live down there. I called my mom and found out they had been evacuated and had to go to my cousin's house. Then I found out the fire was spreading down there. Last I heard, Hamilton Trail (the street my grandparents live on) was on fire. My uncle Rocky, who lives right across the street from my grandparents, refused to leave. He's a retired firefighter, and he's in his 60's or so. He suited up and went out to fight the fire. My cousin was really freaked out about that. But God bless 'im. I called my mom to find out what was going down and she told me the fire was way back in Santiago Canyon and it would be a long time if it ever made it to our house. Still, I'm scared.
Then later that night another fire popped up out near Ortega. That's really scary because all that lies between Ortega and Coto is drybrush. So these fires better stop because I like my job and would like to keep it. Heh.
But I'm really trying to stay positive right now. I find it really funny that the one band I want to listen to right now is On Fire. Which I didn't even draw the connection until a few minutes ago. Not really something to joke about, but I'm trying to see the bright side of things. I know this will end. And the earth has a very bolstered immune system. With all this smoke in the air, we're due for some rain relatively soon. At least, I hope so. Let's just keep our fingers crossed.

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 16:54:17 GMT

I walked into Gamestop the other day and found out that Final Fantasy Tactics was released for the PSP. I was like, shit! Have I been so out of the loop that I missed a portable re-release of my favorite PS1 game? I must be slipping in my old age! It's rad though, I've gotten my characters up to around level 27 in two days. Heh. I'm not even anywhere close to finishing Chapter I of the game yet and my characters are close to a third of the way to maximum level. I ♥ my job.
Now I'm crossing my fingers for a re-release of Final Fantasy VII and Xenogears. Since I no longer have a PS1 I can't play those games anymore, even though I own them. In a perfect world, they'd all be available on PSP. ;)

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 17:17:36 GMT

So what the hell is wrong with girls? Are you all always super-busy? Because the last couple times I've dated people that's been the reason for them to break up with me. Stop talking to me for a while and then tell me you're just too busy. Seriously, how the hell is that even a reason? It's just a cop-out. I am almost 22 years old. If you don't want to see me anymore, just give me the straight truth. I can take it. But the whole tiptoeing around the subject thing is fucking retarded. Not to mention horribly immature. Everyone deserves a straight answer. Everyone deserves the truth. You don't have to lie to make yourself feel better about breaking up with someone. Heh. Oh well.
And life goes on. Things have still been pretty good. Work is going well. I took a couple extra shifts this week to make some extra money, and I get a raise at the end of the month. I really enjoy being able to pick and choose where, when, and how much overtime I want every week. It's sweet.
I couldn't help it, I had to download Thrice's new album once I heard it was leaked. And it's pretty incredible. It's not at all like anything Thrice has ever recorded before. Even the Fire disc, which promised to be the most like old-school, heavy Thrice, was not what I expected. Yea, it was still heavy, but it's more about the ambiance, and creating melodies and lyrics that evoke images of fire and things burning. There's barely any riffs anywhere. Well, not in the traditional sense of "riff." But it's still pretty freakin' incredible. The Water disc is mostly electronic. It's very mellow, and the songs are very fluid and flow together very well, which makes sense, since the purpose was to convey the idea of water through music. The Water disc would be indiscernible as Thrice without Dustin Kensrue singing. There's a crazy sense of artistic vision in this new album and I really can't wait for Earth and Air to come out next year. But Vheissu came out two years ago and I'm still not done listening to it, so now I have this new album to listen to while I wait for the next volume to come out. Anyone who has Thrice pegged as "another OC hardcore band," I feel really bad for you. Besides, the closest they ever got to hardcore was on The Illusion Of Safety, which came out almost six years ago. Listen to The Alchemy Index, Vols. I & II - Fire & Water and you'll see why I say they are definitely the best post-rock band out there.
Speaking of bands, I also discovered this band recently that has really blown my mind (and my load). I am an avid fan of instrumental music, especially when it gets very experimental, like Explosions In The Sky. But this band I discovered has surpassed Explosions by a long shot in my book. They are called Caspian and they are definitely one of the best prog-rock bands I've ever heard. Their name really suits their style of music, as it obviously reminds one of the Caspian Sea. The music is chaotic and calm, tumultuous and soothing. They really convey the idea of water. Such as on the song "Sea Lawn," where over the lilting guitars and crashing drums, they manipulate their guitars to sound like whales singing. It's pretty fucking amazing. Bands like these make me realize more than ever that everything will always work out. There's always something beautiful to live and work towards.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 15:25:37 GMT

Since working in a gate house gets kind of boring, I have taken to downloading anime series and putting them on my iPod to watch while I'm there. I've already completed Cowboy Bebop and Hellsing, and I'm going to start on GunGRAVE today. Plus I'm downloading Neon Genesis Evangelion and X (two series I STILL haven't finished, regrettably). So here's the question: Anyone have any recommendations for me? Good anime series I might not have seen yet? Thank you.

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 23:53:05 GMT

Man, things have been off lately. I've been having mood swings and shit. It's really bothering me. My mom was gone all weekend and I didn't even get to do anything. Eh, there'll be other weekends. Although I am bummed I didn't get to go to Courtney's 21st birthday.
I've been working a lot lately. Which is great because I need the money. But I think this is seriously the first job I've ever had where I have no complaints. It's honestly the best job I've ever had. Not only am I making more money than I ever have anywhere else, I get to work a set schedule so my hours are always consistent. It makes it a lot easier to make plans. Plus, it hardly even counts as work. I work a total of 4 hours in an 8-hour shift, and spend the other 4 hours reading, doing crosswords, sleeping, or watching movies (yesterday it was The Bourne Ultimatum. Excellent movie, by the way). When I actually am working, it's not like working at all. I stand at the door and ask people where they are going, check the address, and press the button to open the gate. It's awesome. I don't really have any supervisors to report to, and since it's not retail, I'm not anybody's bitch. Haha we get to call the shots. And if someone wants to be a dick we can just tell them to leave or call the cops on them. Since I get 4 hours of downtime a day, it certainly gives me time to do homework or anything like that, so it makes school easier as well. So yea, I'm pretty damn stoked about my job. Pretty sweet.
I'm also stoked because I got my ticket today to see Thrice and Brand New next month. Fuck yea. And literally a week later, Thursday is playing the El Rey. Both shows are on one of my days off, so I'm going to try to hit both of 'em. Shouldn't be a problem at all.
And I finally talked to Morgan today after like 2 months of trying desperately to contact him, and he told me he's on his way back from Texas right now (pretty sweet, he just disappeared on me after I bought a car from him), and he'll be back in the next couple days with the title for me. I just can't believe he sold me a car without actually having the title in his possession. Seriously, how lame is that. Pretty lame on my part as well, for not making sure beforehand. But it's understandable, it's been almost 3 years since I owned a car so I was naturally excited to be able to buy one. It's been shitty, owning a car I can't use. Haha owning a car but still having to take the bus to school and walking to work, and only being able to hang out with people at their convenience... But hey, it's finally going to be taken care of. So things are starting to look up a bit. I just hope this high point rides out for a while. I have a track record of depression in the fall, save for when I was in high school. So I really want to change that this year. Here's to hoping.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 19:19:27 GMT

So... I'm putting together some shirt designs for A Mouthful Of Birds. Check it out, and if you'd be interested in seeing it in a different color, let me know!

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 06:27:12 GMT

Dang, crazy last few days. Last night Josh called me around 11:30 and woke me up to go to the Halo 3 launch. I never liked Halo but I figured what the hell, why not? So we go down to Gamestop and first of all, I could not believe the fucking line of people there. I mean, come on! It's a fucking video game! When the employees opened the door, not even to let people in, everyone in the line started cheering and clapping like they were seeing their favorite bands or something. Yea, let's all clap because now we have yet ANOTHER reason to never leave the house! Wooo!!! But, I digress...
So we get the game and head over to Josh's house. They fire it up, it looks okay, but there's seriously NOTHING NEW about it. It's the same damned game in a prettier, shinier presentation. Shit like that bums me out, that people get all worked up over something that's not even groundbreaking in any way. Gah. Couple hours pass, I'm fucking bored as hell, and around 2.30 I get a text from my sister asking me if I was still awake. Being awake, I answered yes. I come to find out that my mom was suffering from extreme abdominal pain and had to call 911 to dispatch an ambulance and take her to the hospital. She was at the hospital and getting some preliminary blood work done when I heard about the whole thing, so there was no information or any clues as to what it might have been. The doctors said it could have been her liver, heart, or a couple of other things. So it wasn't going to be quick and easy. I couldn't make it down to the hospital and I couldn't get ahold of my mom (obviously) so I just had to sit tight and wait for some news.
So I called my mom this morning and she didn't answer. She ended up calling me back around 3.30 in the afternoon, so my sister and I drove down to the hospital to see what was going on. The doctors had still not been able to diagnose her. Needless to say, we were worried. I don't think I have ever seen my mom look the way she did in that hospital bed. She looked so small and frail. It really pained me to see her like that. So we found out that the test she was supposed to have been given was not given to her, so the results were still inconclusive and it was going to take a couple more hours before they would know anything. The nurses said that it looked like she might have pancreantitis, which is an infection in the pancreas. She had her gallbladder removed a few months back and some patients will get an aftershock from that surgery in the form of pancreantitis. But they still couldn't be sure. Her heart rate was 188/90 and her blood enzymes were through the roof, so the doctors were pretty puzzled. Anyway, they gave her a full-on abdominal ultrasound and everything was back to normal. I don't understand what it was and how it just went away like that, but I guess that just happens. I just hope it doesn't happen to her again.
A few years back I was visiting my family in New Mexico when I woke up around 2am with probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, also in my abdomen. The pain was so great I could hardly even get out of bed. Even breathing shot spikes of pain throughout my entire body. I was freaking out. My dad drove me to the ICU where they proceeded to draw a ridiculous amount of blood out of my body. They thought, from the symptoms I was having and the area that was being affected, that my appendix had burst. Which is pretty cool that it didn't, because that could have killed me. Heh. They gave me an ultrasound to try and assess the problem, but they still weren't really sure of what it was. They had to keep me overnight and when I woke up in the morning they took a bunch more blood out of me (needless to say, I wasn't walking much for the next couple days). As it ends up, I just had a bunch of inflamed lymph nodes down my right side and it went away in about two days. It's insane what the human body does on its own.
So anyway, my mom was released this evening and she came home. She's exhausted and can barely walk, but she'll be alright. Her work forbid her to come in tomorrow and I'm seriously going to hide her car keys because she'll probably try to go to the gym in the morning. That woman is crazy. Yep but I'm just going to keep an eye on her for the next few days and make sure nothing happens. If I lost my mom I don't know what I'd do.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:20:57 GMT

Don't you hate it when you're so horny you can't sleep? Yea, me too.

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 03:43:29 GMT

Haha, I am stoked about work. This weekend I get to hang out in Newport Beach on Saturday and Sunday at a golf course. They gave me my uniform today and a totally sweet jacket since it's going to be cold down there. So I work 3-11 both those days, which is cool because I'm also going to be making $10.50 an hour there. But after this weekend I won't be working there, I'll most likely be working at Coto. As originally theorized. So I'll be making more. But I'm so stoked to be working again. Fuck, I don't understand how there are people who just don't have jobs. Doing nothing all day is seriously so fucking boring I wanted to kill myself. And there's an extent to how clean I can make the house. So finally, back to work. So stoked.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 15:45:41 GMT

This is for Matt Spencer. Thought he'd get a kick out of it.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 02:20:53 GMT

Things are going pretty well. As far as I see, anyway. I really want Universal to get my guard card in so I can start working. It's looking like I'll be making around $11 an hour, nine hours a day, probably around forty-eight hours a week or so. So basically, I'll be pulling in around $750 or so every two weeks, which makes me really excited. It's a really good chance for me, plus it won't interfere with school. Then, if I'm working day shifts there, next month I'll probably take on a night job at Border's for the holidays to make some extra cash. Then once the holidays are over, quit there and start my internship at Love Juice Labs... Which is awesome, the sooner I start my internship the sooner I can get a job there. At this point in my life I'm really into getting set on my career path, even though I have a few more years of school left. I don't want to wait until I have a degree to get started on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've spent the last few years not really caring either way and I've come to realize that's the only regret I carry after all these years. I wish I had cared more about school before. But I was able to experience a lot and get a better perspective so it all worked out in the end...
I am really glad at how much I've changed. I'm becoming a lot more responsible and I think every day about my future, something I never really cared about before. I just wanted to live in the now so badly; I was utterly convinced that nothing else mattered. But after really reevaluating my life and really focusing my effort on what I want to do, I know I can accomplish the things I want to. I'm doing very well in school right now. I have a good job (although I haven't started working yet... heh). The band had been stagnant for a while just because we've all been pretty busy. I just recently talked to Charles and he told me he's not Mormon anymore, which came as a huge surprise to me. But he said he was interested in playing bass for us, which Josh and I are more than cool with. It'll be awesome to have Aaron, Josh, and Charles in a band again. First time since Anonymous Letter. Heh. Senior year. Dang. I have been a bit stressed lately because I'm not used to being so conscious or concerned about everything. I've done a complete 180 and while I wouldn't change that for any reason, it's still a bit hard for me right now. But I'm dealing...
I don't have cigarette cravings anymore. Whenever I'm hanging out with Josh and he's smoking, it just smells really bad and thinking about the taste and the way the smoke burns your throat... It's just very unappealing for me. Which, of course, is good. I also don't even care about weed anymore. A couple days ago a bunch of shit went down and to make a long story short, Mike landed in the hospital and moved back to Fresno. He's a fucking awesome guy and I love all of my friends to death but I don't even want to have anything to do with that whole thing anymore. Obviously I still hang out with them, but I won't be any part of the whole drug thing. Josh and Dizzy were smoking bowls in Josh's room a couple days ago and I couldn't even stand the smell. We got together to hang out and, of course, step one in their day plan was to get high. Which is totally cool, I used to be like that too. I don't have a problem with them doing it at all. But we just ended up sitting in Josh's room while they smoked and nothing was done. It really bummed me out. But my mom called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner so I left because I didn't want to spend a day sitting in a room doing nothing. It's no fun to those of us who are not high. Heh. But my mom and I had a good dinner, we went to Claim Jumper and talked about a lot of stuff. I'm glad I get along well with my mom again. Not that we've really had problems for a while. Our problems pretty much ended when I moved out. But I understand her a lot better now and I think it really helps. Haha on the weed note, I received a text message from Stephen this morning at 4:20 which read "Happy 4:20!" It made me laugh, because of all people, why send it to me? It was funny.
I had a really good day yesterday. I got up at 4:30 so I could be at my orientation/guard card class by 8 (in order to get to Santa Ana by 8 I had to be on a bus at 6). Apparently, there was some sort of festival going on in Santa Ana so some roads were closed and the bus routes were all different, thereby changing the route I was given online... I was stressing way hard because I missed my stop and subsequently missed the next bus I had to get on to get to my class on time. Thankfully I talked to the driver and was able to get off the bus and get turned around pretty easily, but I was freaked out because I still had two more buses to be on and only had 15 minutes to get there... Thankfully the stop I had to be at to transfer to the next bus actually ran two routes, and the other one (not the route I was planning on taking) ran straight to where I needed to go. So, I was able to get to the class only like two minutes late. But the class was boring as hell, we had to watch videos on WMDs (as though security guards have to deal with terrorists and nukes often), and I kept falling asleep. But I got through the day and hopped on the next bus up to Huntington so I could see Courtney. We hung out for a bit, took a bitchin' nap because we were both fucking tired, then went to Starbucks and got some tea. Went and saw Mary at her work, that was a lot of fun. Then we went off to the store and bought stuff to make dinner. Made some fucking delicious turkey burgers and fries, and I had a ridiculously strong rum and Coke. Got pretty buzzed and just stayed low-key. Watched TV for a bit and went to bed. It was nice.
Woke up today, helped Courtney do laundry, and had a lot of fun mocking TV shows with Javier (who is rad) and Sally. It was seriously awesome. Then she took me home, which sucked, and I worked a bit in my room and around the house. I took a nap because I didn't sleep much last night, which was also awesome. Helped recharge my batteries. My mom woke me up and we went over and got coffee. She and Emma went to the gym and I came home. Here I am, typing away, telling everyone a bunch of random minutia that doesn't really matter. But it's good to put it down on digital paper.
It's 7 o'clock and the sun has already gone down. That's the biggest indication that summer is gone. It's mellow at home, just listening to On Fire and making ravioli. I wish Courtney was here.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 05:59:37 GMT

Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. You don't know who I'm talking about. This is, after all, the internet. It is quite infinite.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 01:12:26 GMT

Goddamnit, shut the fuck up about how "wronged" you have been in life and move the fuck on. There are so many people out there who are so much worse off than you. Besides, begging for pity is usually the worst way to get it.

Isn't it amazing how in control of our own happiness we are? When something goes wrong or doesn't work in your favor, it's very easy to make yourself into the victim just because you feel it didn't work the way that would have been ideal for you. But do you really know what's ideal for you? You might at the time, but things are always changing. Ultimately, it's up to you; you can keep making yourself into the victim at the cost of your happiness, or you can let go of the things you can't change and get on with your life.

There are no winners or losers. Bad things happen to everyone, just like good things happen to everyone. Life is indifferent. Since you can't win or lose, all that should matter is doing whatever is best for you to make yourself happy. Cling to whatever it is you feel should be (or should have been) rightfully yours. Make yourself depressed. It's no skin off my back, or anyone else's.

Be grateful for what you have. It could all be taken away from you in a second.

Okay, got that out. Cold as hell, but whatevs. I hate having to be an asshole but sometimes it's the only way to make a point. Hahah quite contrary to the above writing, I've been in fucking fantastic moods lately. I planned out my next few years of school, where I'm going to transfer and how I'm going to pursue my career in audio production.

I think that deleting my Myspace was one of the best decisions ever. I got so fucking sick of seeing the same goddamn bulletins being posted all the time, people begging for attention and validation OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET, and so on and so forth. Yes, I have been hating people more and more lately, but I still get along with the large majority of them and, of course, I would never be mean to my true friends. So things are still working out.

I hung out with Courtney again last night, I think that makes it like 4 or 5 times in the past week. She's awesome. It is what it is and I'm going to leave it at that. Whatever happens, happens, and no matter what happens, I'll survive and continue being happy. I'm sick of being down all the time over stupid shit I can't control. It's totally pointless. Such a waste of energy. And life.

I'm off to have dinner with the fam. Things are good here. So's life. Because I know what's important and what isn't. I suggest you reevaluate your life too. ^_^

Peace!